So today I've been home alone, which has be nice. = Minimal breakfast, dinner flushed down the toilet and lot's of exercise.
Now I'm so hungry. My stomach is shouting at me. Demanding me to fill it. But I won't, I'm stronger than that. I won't give in! I won't give up!
I really need to work on my self control, because it's badbadbad. When I open the cupboards that voice is screaming at me to close it and go do some push-ups instead. But my body won't listen. My hand will reach out to that piece of bread or that rice cake or what ever is in front of me and it will shove it in my mouth and my teeth will chewchewchew and then comes the biggest betrayal of all when I swallow it. I don't want to, but it is as if I'm not in charge of myslef, like someone else is controlling my moves. All I can do is scream inside and crycrycry. It sucks!
Today I finished reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Great book, full of motivation. I wish I was as strong as Lia, but I am not. One day I will be. I will be the strongest, thinnest, most beautiful and successful person who ever walked this earth!
who am I kidding? I could never be that, but that is my goal. if I don't reach it, I guess I'll just have to die trying.
Tomorrow I'm gonna start kick boxing. So stoked! I'm gonna have fun, get thin and strong and learn how to kick my sisters ass, all at the same time. Awesome!
And on Thursday me and my friends are going to start playing badminton. That is perfect because then I can move my gross fatty body and spend time with my friends instead of sitting around doing nothing for 2 hours, waiting for Chinese class to start.
Oh oh oh, almost forgot to mention: My sister is going to Finland for a week tomorrow! It's gonna be so nice having her gone! She's horrible and she's always trying to feed me, and whenever I refuse to eat whatever she's trying to shove down my throat she starts saying I'm on a diet, a fucking anorexia kid and that she's gonna run to mummy saying "Elin's on a diet, she's not stuffing her face with cookies, have her locked up mummy, make her FATTTT". I wish she could just leave me the fuck alone! I can't wait till she moves out. I can wait till I move out!
xoxo
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