090527

First I want to say that I'm proud of myself, because I've quit smoking. I haven't had one single cigarette for almost a week. I don't think I'm gonna be able to stay away from smoking the whole summer, but I will try my best. And I will absolutely not smoke at all before graduation!

Anyway, today was a pretty good day. Went to school from 8.45 - 12.00, then I went to watch the rugby tournament between all the schools in my town. Our girls team ended up in second place and the guys won, aren't we good ;) Between the games we went to Malin's place to have some lunch. Then these guys that I really don't like came by. I kind of stayed silent in back, I said 10 words at most. They're really not my kind of people. Most of them are teen alcoholics, some of them do drugs, and they all dropped out of school. They've got no ambitions! Some of them are almost 20 years old, they should should start thinking about their future. I used to hang out with them a lot, caused me loads of trouble. One of the guys actually almost raped me, when I was really really drunk. And they made me lose my friends and just a lot of other crap. I prefer to be around more serious people.

Well after the rugby I went home for dinner then I went to my tailor and picked up my prom dress, It's so beautiful! It's cream white silk with big black flowers at the bottom and it reaches just above my knees, I love it <3

In five days we have this big cabaret with school, it's like our final show, cause we're the leavers, and we haven't even got the whole script yet!!! Apparently I've got a very big role, and I don't even know any of my lines yet, how the hell are we supposed to pull this off? It's gonna be a huge disaster.

I can't believe school's out in only two weeks, I mean in two weeks I'm no longer a high school student, I'm almost done with it now! It's gonna be so nice with holidays. Late summer nights, sunbathing, and Malta! And then this fall I'm going to college. I'm gonna have proper lessons again, which I don't have at my current school and it's all gonna be in English, how lovely isn't that?

Anyway, I gotta finish off my maths now, I'll write soon again, I promise

xoxo

090523

6 reasons why today/yesterday really sucked:

- I ate way too much
- My mum found booze in my room, after I promised her just to drink cider
- I'm no longer allowed to drink anything
- My mum doesn't trust me at all
- My mum thinks I'm on drugs
- I picked up an old habit today and once again my wrists are a mess

Oh thought i might tell you something, nobody I know knows about this blog. If the did, I wouldn't be able to be as honest as I am

090517

You know this Jonas guy I was talking about... I think I'm falling for him, more than I ever planned to. I don't know how to handle that, since he's 7 years older and I can't tell people about him. People would talk way too much and my parents would kill me. So if I'm smart, I'm ending this before it goes too far. But a part of me really doesn't want to be smart, cause he's the most amazing guy ever... please just shoot me!

090516

Time: 6:21pm
Food I've had today: a glass of water

As you can see I'm having a bad day today, I feel huge and disgusting. I will have to eat dinner in a while, and I'm panicking cause I really don't want to!

Anyway, about last night. It was awesome! Me, Elin and Anna had our BBQ, Malin couldn't join and I don't know if that was good or bad atm. One thing that went wrong yesterday was the fact that we were supposed to have anna's house to ourselves, but her sister decided to come home, so we decided not to stay there all night. We moved on to fond a more privet place where we could drink and smoke, lol. We were on our way to a park, and stopped to talk to Jonas (Elin's builder and my... something) who was at his parents house. he invited us in and showed us around. And they had 4 adorable little kittens, Ozzy, Kelly, Oliver and Enzo. And I fell in love with one of the bathrooms, it was huge, with a sauna and jacuzzi. I can't describe how beautiful it was!
After half an hour or so we had to move on, and we biked off to that park. I t was freezing but cozy xD
When we had been there for a while Jonas showed up with sweaters, socks and beer. And this is when I stopped being social with Anna and Elin, Jonas is very good at distracting me ;)
Anan got really drunk and I was afraid she wouldn't be able to play sober infront of her parents, but she pulled it off, since they were half asleep when we got home and they had been drinking as well. When we got into her room we made drinks but we fell asleep before we could finish them, lol.

Today we watched Jonas play football (well soccer if you're yank), it went well, they won and the weater was amazing. After the game Jonas drove us home and we fell asleep in Anna's bed again. Damn I love her bed, it's a kingsize! When we woke up, she was having dinenr so I biked home. I might see Jonas tonight :)
Btw, did I mention he's 23? lol

I don't know what else to say, I promise my blog will get more interesting as soon as I get more time over to blog

xoxo
Elin

090515

This feels like a good day so far, okay I woke up only two hours ago, but I've had breakfast, which is good. I'm pretty pleased with myself, for now.

I'm off to school in a few minutes so this will be a quicky.
after school me, Elin, Anna and maybe Malin are having a BBQ. I don't know if Malin's gonna be there or not, since she's ill and she's been a bitch lately. We're not cancelling the BBQ even if she can't come, when we told her that, she went all crazy and yelled at us and I don't want to deal with all that immature crap right now. Anyway, tonight's hopefully gonna be awesome. We'll probably get some company later on ;)

Sorry this update is so short, but I gotta go to school now, don't want to be late ;)

xoxo
Elin

090514

So, first update...
What is there to say?
Well, I'm Elin, I'm 15 years old from Sweden. I've had a few Swedish blogs before, they've all been rubbish, and I hope this one will be better. I think it will, cause this one will be more personal than the others, more real...

So if you're supposed to get to know me, the most important thing for you to know about is my problems. My biggest problem is my weird on-and-off eating disorder, I know I have it, since it is on and off. Right now I'm not suffering from it, but I do a lot. I can look myself and feel so fat, after dinner I can go straight to the bathroom and throw up the little I just ate. On my bad days I skip both breakfast and lunch and throw up my dinner. But at times like these when I'm not suffering from it that much I can tell you that I'm far from fat, I'm 5"7' and I weight 105 lbs, and I've got a BMI of a 5 year old. I want to get rid of these anorectic/bulimic thoughts, but it's hard, I've lived with them for a while now... But as I said it comes and goes. One day I'm feeling perfectly fine, the other day I feel like a fat cow.
















since this pic was taken I've lost a bit more
weight, and as you can see I'm not fat at all.
I know that I will disagree with that some day
but right now I can tell you the truth...

That's all I've got to say now, I need to try to get some sleep, I'm trying to fight my insomnia.

xoxo

Elin