100731

12. Because I want people to see the real me, and not the fat hiding it.

So today I've had two small sandwiches, water, green tea and coca cola zero. It's 5:45 PM.

Tomorrow I'm off to Malta with my friend Alexx for 11 days. We're gonna party. A lot. My plan is to eat nothing but dinner everyday, which will probably be noodles, so that's okay. I can't fast completely because I hate drinking on an empty stomach. And I'll probably end up purging most of the nights to get rid of some of the calories from the alcohol, and prevent hangovers.

Now I'm off to make and throw away dinner. Bye.

100730

I did it. I fasted all day. I feel awesome! But I must admit my head is spinning and my body is weak. I biked like less 700 metres or something and I got blood taste in my mouth. I'm on top of the world! I'm getting on the scale tomorrow morning and I better be lighter, at least a little.

100730

It's 7:35 PM and I still haven't eaten. I am starving but I will successfully fast today. I've told my sister I'm eating with my friend and I've told my friend I'm eating with my sister. Easy queasy! And I'm down 1½ pounds, so I'm "only" 114½ now.

100730

10. Because you can't be too skinny, only too fat.

11. To prove that I can be good enough.

Yesterday started out okay, I had no breakfast, then Thai for lunch and lettuce for dinner. But then I binged/purged. Damnit.

Today I've had nothing so far and it's 1:37 PM. Feels good. I hope I can keep it that was. Probably can't though. But I'll do my best.

100728

9. Because I want people to turn their heads in jealousy!

Current time: 1:01 PM

Foods I've had: None

hope today will be good.

100727

8. Because bones are beautiful.

So today I went shopping with my mum. I bought some shoes, underwear, over-knee socks, a bracelet, etc. It was a good day.

For breakfast I had green tea and two slices of toast (no butter). And for lunch/dinner 2/3 of a foccacia. Plus like 6 hours of constant walking. Okay day I guess.

xoxo

100726

6. Because I'm terrified of getting fat

7. Because any piece of clothing looks better on a thin person

See, I missed one day and now I put up two reasons. Today I've only had breakfast so far, but dinner is coming up. I managed to trick my mum into letting me skip the cream sauce chicken she's making and have left over tomato sauce chicken instead. Good shit.

100724

5. Because fat is unnatural

So today I've had breakfast. Too much of it. Spent the night at a friends place and yeah, she knows I used to have problems, so can't fool her really... Now nothing until dinner!

100723

4. Because it's one thing that I can control.

So today I woke up at like 3pm. Tonight I am going to my friends place and I told my mum I'd have dinner there, which is a lie. She forced me to eat dinner at 4 anyway, as I hadn't eaten at all today. And while we ate she started yelling at me about my eating again. I'm so sick of her right now. So yeah I had planned on not eating today but yeah that didn't happen, and then I ate 85 cals of ice cream like a second ago. Thinking about purging it. I think I will. Ice cream is so easy and kind of fun to purge. LOL, am I sick or what.

100722

3. Because thin will always be in.

So last night I was forced to eat dinner at home. I decided to make the best of it and skip the sauce and my mum went crazy. She started yelling at me about my eating in front of our neighbour. She said she'd noticed me eating less again recently. Hello, what??? I have been eating more than usual, I have gained 6 fucking pounds since June, EWW!! She also said that if I'd "fall back" into my ED she wouldn't let me go to Malta (where I am going in 10 days and I'm planning to fats as much as possible). I just wanted to slap her so fucking hard across that stupid face of hers when she said all that, in front of our fucking neighbour!!! Screw her. Then later we were gonna watch a film, and then I had to eat some candy because if I wouldn't she'd go even more crazy. She was too suspicious, it wasn't worth taking the risk. I felt like a fat failure though, I still do. 116, I mean that's gross. I need to lose. Now.

So today I haven't eaten anything so far, but I guess I'll have to eat dinner later on... Fuck. Good thing is I'm hungry, not even a little.

I will be skinny again.

100721

2. So that I can feel strong.

I finally stepped up on the scale today. 116 disgusting pounds. I am fasting today. End of story.

Anorexia Nervosa by kissmyeyes on Polyvore.com

100720

I've thought of a new method to get myself to update my blog more often. Everyday I have to post one reason why I'm doing this to myself, like why it's worth going through the pain. Starting now.

1. So that one day I might like myself.

And like this I shall continue everyday. I'm sure I have enough reasons to keep this up for the rest of this year. If I miss one day I'll have to post two the next day.

So today started out great. I didn't eat anything until dinner. And I did not eat very much even then, and I did purge after. But then my mum's old friend came over and then there was cheese and crackers. And fuck did I eat. I'm in the middle of purging it into a plastic bag as I am typing this. I'm disgusting I know and I'm sorry. But I need to get rid of it. I'm sick of being this fat, I have gained so much lately and I'm afraid of stepping up on the scale...

<---- GROSS!

100707

So, once again it's been ages since I wrote anything at all, and I'm sorry.

I have no idea of how heavy I am right now. I am too scared to weigh myself. Good/bad news is my best friend in this world is back to her ED and we're supporting each other 100%, like being there for each other and helping each other skip meals, it's great!

Tonight I was at at this BBQ with 4 girl friends. I purged 3 times.

I am also desperate for sex, it's been AGES since I slept with someone and I want it now! LOL.

But yeah, off to sleep now, nighty!

xoxo