100918

One again it's been ages. It's been something like 3 weeks this time.

I've decided that I'm over that absolutely amazing guy/man I met this summer. Instead I have a guy in my class that fucks up my head now. He's really sweet and nice and good looking and all, and we're really good friends. One week ago we were out with friends together and I ended up spending the night at his place and yeah I guess you can figure out what happened. Anywho, this week in school has been so awkward, because none of us knows where we stand and what the other one wants. We always just see each other around other people and it's frustrating. One second everything is great, just like before, and the next it's all tense and weird. Fuck!

Also, my dog is dead. He died this Tuesday. It sucks. I miss him, my big beastie...

Oh and I've gained an unknown number of pounds and I feel massive. And having a super skinny new girl in my class isn't helping my self esteem much. I mean seriously, look at this girl:

Honestly, how is is fair? And she's in my class, I have to see her everyday and my jealousy is like endless.

100829

I suck. I'm hopeless. I can't even keep a blog updated regularly. I was gonna apologize. Then I realised there's nobody to apologize to as nobody really reads this shit anyway.

So all I'm gonna do today is post a picture that shows the difference between me today and me in early February.

100818

Oh fuck the reasons. There are too many to catch up with now. I suck, I know.

So I got back from Malta 6 days ago. I miss that place like hell. Well I miss the people even more. Especially the one person. Fuck. Why do I always have to do this? Falling for guys who live too far away and are "too old for me". I'm hopeless. And he's amazing. Fuckfuckfuck. Don't know if I'll ever see him again. But we did make a deal last night that no matter what, we will see each other again. Some time.

I'm addicted to Owl City - Vanilla Twilight because it describes exactly how I feel right now.

When I came home from Malta I was on my period so I was heavier than I should've been, so I could see how much weight I'd really lost. It only showed 2 lbs now. I hate periods. That's one of the very few good things about mia, when I'm in that shit I hardly ever get my period.

I haven't b/p in ages, don't know when the last time I did that was. Sure I've purged, but not binged. I'm proud. I'm still too fat though. 110 lbs. I need to go lower. Now.

100807

Dont have time for reasons now, I'm in malta and I'll catch up on them when I get home.
Anywho, I'm deff thinner now than I was when I left sweden, so thats all good. There/s a lot of party and little food. Im happy. Cant write much more now. Sorry.
xoxo

100801

13. Because fat people are disgusting

It's 4:23 AM and I can't sleep. I'm too excited about going to Malta today, plane lifts in 10½ hours, omgomgomfg. I'm so stoked! And I'm hungry. Haven't eaten properly since Thursday, today it's Sunday. So all I've eaten since then is two small sandwiches yesterday. I feel awesome though. I need to be skinny when I'm gonna spend 11 days on the beach and in the clubs.

I am now 113 pounds, so I am losing, and I want to lose 9 more pounds before school starts on August 20. probably not gonna happen, but you can always hope eh?

100731

12. Because I want people to see the real me, and not the fat hiding it.

So today I've had two small sandwiches, water, green tea and coca cola zero. It's 5:45 PM.

Tomorrow I'm off to Malta with my friend Alexx for 11 days. We're gonna party. A lot. My plan is to eat nothing but dinner everyday, which will probably be noodles, so that's okay. I can't fast completely because I hate drinking on an empty stomach. And I'll probably end up purging most of the nights to get rid of some of the calories from the alcohol, and prevent hangovers.

Now I'm off to make and throw away dinner. Bye.

100730

I did it. I fasted all day. I feel awesome! But I must admit my head is spinning and my body is weak. I biked like less 700 metres or something and I got blood taste in my mouth. I'm on top of the world! I'm getting on the scale tomorrow morning and I better be lighter, at least a little.

100730

It's 7:35 PM and I still haven't eaten. I am starving but I will successfully fast today. I've told my sister I'm eating with my friend and I've told my friend I'm eating with my sister. Easy queasy! And I'm down 1½ pounds, so I'm "only" 114½ now.

100730

10. Because you can't be too skinny, only too fat.

11. To prove that I can be good enough.

Yesterday started out okay, I had no breakfast, then Thai for lunch and lettuce for dinner. But then I binged/purged. Damnit.

Today I've had nothing so far and it's 1:37 PM. Feels good. I hope I can keep it that was. Probably can't though. But I'll do my best.

100728

9. Because I want people to turn their heads in jealousy!

Current time: 1:01 PM

Foods I've had: None

hope today will be good.

100727

8. Because bones are beautiful.

So today I went shopping with my mum. I bought some shoes, underwear, over-knee socks, a bracelet, etc. It was a good day.

For breakfast I had green tea and two slices of toast (no butter). And for lunch/dinner 2/3 of a foccacia. Plus like 6 hours of constant walking. Okay day I guess.

xoxo

100726

6. Because I'm terrified of getting fat

7. Because any piece of clothing looks better on a thin person

See, I missed one day and now I put up two reasons. Today I've only had breakfast so far, but dinner is coming up. I managed to trick my mum into letting me skip the cream sauce chicken she's making and have left over tomato sauce chicken instead. Good shit.

100724

5. Because fat is unnatural

So today I've had breakfast. Too much of it. Spent the night at a friends place and yeah, she knows I used to have problems, so can't fool her really... Now nothing until dinner!

100723

4. Because it's one thing that I can control.

So today I woke up at like 3pm. Tonight I am going to my friends place and I told my mum I'd have dinner there, which is a lie. She forced me to eat dinner at 4 anyway, as I hadn't eaten at all today. And while we ate she started yelling at me about my eating again. I'm so sick of her right now. So yeah I had planned on not eating today but yeah that didn't happen, and then I ate 85 cals of ice cream like a second ago. Thinking about purging it. I think I will. Ice cream is so easy and kind of fun to purge. LOL, am I sick or what.

100722

3. Because thin will always be in.

So last night I was forced to eat dinner at home. I decided to make the best of it and skip the sauce and my mum went crazy. She started yelling at me about my eating in front of our neighbour. She said she'd noticed me eating less again recently. Hello, what??? I have been eating more than usual, I have gained 6 fucking pounds since June, EWW!! She also said that if I'd "fall back" into my ED she wouldn't let me go to Malta (where I am going in 10 days and I'm planning to fats as much as possible). I just wanted to slap her so fucking hard across that stupid face of hers when she said all that, in front of our fucking neighbour!!! Screw her. Then later we were gonna watch a film, and then I had to eat some candy because if I wouldn't she'd go even more crazy. She was too suspicious, it wasn't worth taking the risk. I felt like a fat failure though, I still do. 116, I mean that's gross. I need to lose. Now.

So today I haven't eaten anything so far, but I guess I'll have to eat dinner later on... Fuck. Good thing is I'm hungry, not even a little.

I will be skinny again.

100721

2. So that I can feel strong.

I finally stepped up on the scale today. 116 disgusting pounds. I am fasting today. End of story.

Anorexia Nervosa by kissmyeyes on Polyvore.com

100720

I've thought of a new method to get myself to update my blog more often. Everyday I have to post one reason why I'm doing this to myself, like why it's worth going through the pain. Starting now.

1. So that one day I might like myself.

And like this I shall continue everyday. I'm sure I have enough reasons to keep this up for the rest of this year. If I miss one day I'll have to post two the next day.

So today started out great. I didn't eat anything until dinner. And I did not eat very much even then, and I did purge after. But then my mum's old friend came over and then there was cheese and crackers. And fuck did I eat. I'm in the middle of purging it into a plastic bag as I am typing this. I'm disgusting I know and I'm sorry. But I need to get rid of it. I'm sick of being this fat, I have gained so much lately and I'm afraid of stepping up on the scale...

<---- GROSS!

100707

So, once again it's been ages since I wrote anything at all, and I'm sorry.

I have no idea of how heavy I am right now. I am too scared to weigh myself. Good/bad news is my best friend in this world is back to her ED and we're supporting each other 100%, like being there for each other and helping each other skip meals, it's great!

Tonight I was at at this BBQ with 4 girl friends. I purged 3 times.

I am also desperate for sex, it's been AGES since I slept with someone and I want it now! LOL.

But yeah, off to sleep now, nighty!

xoxo

100530

Shit, I've been away from here for some time.

Well I'm at 110, which sucks. I'm fat. I'm disgusting. I'm a failure.

I've been to my first meeting with the therapist at the ED department. I bullshitted my way through the whole meeting, telling them I used to purge for a while, that I'd never starved myself and that all that remained of an ED was some silly thoughts that I could totally control. Yeah right, lol. I also wore like heavy jeans, layers of shirts and keys in my pocket + drank loads of water before being weighed, so they think I'm 113.5 lbs. They believed me and they're passing me on to the angst/panic disorder department instead. That's good, because that's things that I honestly want to get rid of.

I should be revising now, I've got a physics exam tomorrow, history on Tuesday, and maths on Thursday. Plus I've got an English paragraph on Pride and Prejudice to write for Tuesday. But then it will be over. No more until August!

xxx

100511

I reallyreallyreally hate breakfast. It ruins my whole day! I never ever want to have breakfast again in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck.

100510

I feel horrible. Today was the first time in ages that I binged without purging and I can feel the fat adding to my body. It's disgusting. I feel so helpless, I'm panicking, I'm out of control here!!! Tomorrow's gotta be a good day.

I hate breakfast, that is what fucks up my entire day. if I start out empty it's much easier to stay empty. But if I have breakfast I don't get the same motivation. Damnit.

100508

Yesterday was a bad day again. First I was forced to have breakfast again. Then no lunch (that's the only good thing), then ice cream, then a massive chocolate cupcake, then pancakes with whipped cream and jam, then a kit kat and m&m's then massive sandwich-crisps-and cookie-binge + purging. Ugh!

I had fun yesterday though, I went to the theatre with people from my class and saw A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was not the classical version though. It was mixed with stand up comedy and it was set at a reggae festival. It was hilarious! Though one old man was offended by Puck and his stand up and went up and left, that was a bit awkward, lol.

Today I've had a massive breakfast and it feels horrible, and I have a feeling the rest of the day is gonna be just as bad. That's what I hate about Mia. The typical "Oh what the hell, today's already ruined" thoughts. I wish Mia would fuck off and let Ana take over!!

100506

I'm proud of myself! Yes I did it, I had a cup of tea for breakfast and then nothing but water, gum, and half a rice cake(18) until dinner. Yay me!

I had to eat a little more than I planned for dinner though, because my sister insisted on sitting down at the table to 'keep me company' (read: watch me) while I ate. But still a good day. I wonder how much I weigh now, I'm curious because I haven't been able to check in a while. i refuse to weigh myself when I'm not empty (= second thing I do in the morning after going to the bathroom) because if I've eaten it's not accurate. I should get my own scale and hide it somewhere. I also lost my tape measure so I need to buy one of those as well.

100506

Yesterday I was bad. I binged massively and purged. Today I'm gonna be good. Starting off with a cup of tea for breakfast as it is my sleep in and nobody is watching me eat. Then there's gonna be no lunch. And I will leave my wallet at home so I can't go by candy or other binge things even if I want to. And it's a late day in school so I'll be eating dinner on my own = hopefully almost no dinner at all. I have a good feeling about this day!

xoxo

100505

This is what I'm doing to myself, it's kind of scary to see it all summed up together like that. i hate this shit, but at the same time I love it. This is what I am sacrificing to be thin. I wish I could get rid of bulimia though and be a pure anorexic. Pure and empty.

(fail! click the pic to see it all!)

100504

I binged and purged in school today.

Yep, that's right. When the rest of my class ends I have 1½ hours before my next class (Chinese) starts at another school. I had been craving sweet stuff all day and I had been imagining a binge on chocolate chip cookies. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't. So on my way to the other school I went into the supermarket, bought an 8-pack of cookies and then as soon as I got there I went straight into the bathroom. I ripped the package open (yes literally ripped it, with force) and started by chewing/spitting the first two, then I couldn't control myself and just stuffed the rest down my throat. Then I purged. I had to do it in the sink instead of in the toilet, because the tap is the kind that you have to press every few seconds to keep the water running. I think a few people went in and out while I was there and they probably heard a few unpleasant things. But nobody was there when I got out, so I'm just hoping nobody from my Chinese class saw me go in and then went in and heard me. Not that it matters too much though, because I hardly know any of them anyway.

When I came home I was forced to have dinner, so I ate, then I took a shower and purged again.

I'm sorry about all the details in this post, but as you can tell, my day was crap.

100503

Okay once again it's been ages since I posted anything. I suck, I know.

Well at least I've been better with eating, or not eating that is. I am down to 107 lbs again. 3 lbs down to my next GW. I need to figure out a reward for myself for when I get there soon, because hopefully it wont take too long to reach.

I'm off to bed now, night! x

100424

I want it. I want it so bad. Why the hell can't I act like I do then, and work for it??

100423

I need some fucking control. I've been eating way too much lately. I sucksucksuck. i've gained back 4 lbs and I'm now 110 huge pounds. Ughm GROSS!

100411

Yesterday started out good. Met up with the Swedish ana girls in town at 1pm. They were really nice and it felt so good having someone to actually talk to. We talked for like 3 hours and we agreed to meet up again soon.

Last night was horrible though. Well I had fun because my friends came over for a movie night, but I binged so hard on tacos, potato crisps, pick and mix candy and chocolate cake. EW. Well I did manage to purge a little before going to bed. I let them use the downstairs bathroom and went upstairs myself to change into PJs and wash my face etc. I had been so good before that. I didn't eat at all, and then BAM. So fucking annoying, bleh!

100409

Okay so the last days have been hard... I've not binged nor purged at all, but I have been forced to eat 'normally' which has been really difficult, and then not being able to purge it up. It's like I have to fight for it not to come up by itself. It's like my body is rejecting food. Well it allows it in, but then it just wants it out again.

Tomorrow I'm seeing the other Swedish ED girls, I really hope it goes fine.

But then tomorrow night my classmates are coming over for a movie night. I fear a binge. And no opportunity to purge. Ugh.

100407

I'm fucked.

They know. THEY. KNOW.

My mum found out about my ED through my b/p -ing. I hate mia. I hate it. I hate it I hate it.

They're gonna watch me like hawks and they've already started feeding me. I'm not allowed to go to the bathroom after eating and they're gonna make me see a psychologist!

And my mum is just angry, as if I made a choice becoming like this. She's not sad, just totally pissed off. But I don't think she knows much about my ana, just mia. And she knows nothing about my blog or any of my forums. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to recover. I haven't reached my goal weight yet. I am still too big, I need to lose more but I don't know how any more!

fuck.

100406/07

My body is just constantly exhausted from purging. My brain is fed up of counting calories and thinking of food and fat. I've purged 3 times today. What the hell have I done to deserve this shit? Fuck ana. Fuck mia. Fuck food. Fuck EVERYTHING!

100406

I'm sitting here, feeling like a fatass. Just had dinner, pasta with tomato sauce. At least I managed to avoid the chicken and the feta cheese my mum put in there.

I'm just so scared. Scared that I'll never be thin enough. Scared that I will never see my body for what it really is. Scared that I will never stop comparing myself to everybody else. Scared that I'll be stuck in this shit for the rest of my life. Scared to death by the thought of ever saying goodbye to ana.

100406

I binged on burned cookies last night. Yup. I am pathetic.

Then I spent the rest of the night purging.

I am such a big fat fail, I mean I'm even failing my eating disorder. Damnit.

Well on Saturday I am meeting up with a bunch of girls from a Swedish ED site. I need to lose a little before then. I am currently 106 lbs. I wish I'd be able to get down to 104 for Saturday, but yeah seeing as I suck at losing weight I'll hope for 105.

I need to be skinnier. I am so disgustingly fat. I look at my thighs and I just wanna puke, because they are so gross. EW!

100402

Pretty good day so far.

Breakfast: Two pieces of wasa crispbread with butter + tea (100-ish)

Then nothing!

And I've been pretty active. Walked I don't know how long through knee deep snow and then spent hours playing with my dog, running around. Dinner's coming up soon, but I think I can manage with little enough. My dad is not suspicious at all, neither does he pay any attention :)

100401

This was my day today:

Breakfast: Yoghurt with cornflakes + tea (60)

Lunch: Cucumber (2-3)

+ Hazelnut Ice cream fuckfuckfuck (270)

Dinner: Pasta with chicken and sauce (?)

Purge

C/S on chocolate with 15 crunches for every chewed piece + 100 crunches, 100 toe lifts and 50 squats after it all.

So yeah, pretty bad today. Damnit, where's my self control?? I disgust myself!

100331

Today I finished school early, 11:50, so I was home around 1 ish. My mum made me have lunch, so I had two pieces of Wasa crispbread with cheese and an apple. And then my mum went out to see a friend, and once again, I purged. I guess I've totally fallen back there again. I sorta feel like I don't care any more. If I feel like purging, then why not do it. I cba wasting energy on stopping myself from it and feel even worse about what I've eaten.

Now I just have to worry about what's or dinner. Then I'm kick boxing tonight, so I'll be burning some FATTT!

This weekend I might go out to our summer house (no, it's not summer yet, still winter/early spring!). There's not much to do there and I'll hopefully get some control over myself and go out running. And I'm bringing my dog so I can use him for excuses for long walks. He's too old and lazy to run though. There's no internet there and no running water. So I'll stink from sweating and I won't be able to write anything here. Might just bring my diary and then give you an update when I get home. I have not decided yet whether I'm going or not yet though. But I think I am, I need to spend some time with my dad.

xoxo

100330

Kinda bad day today.

Apple for breakfast. Then I actually had some lunch in the cafeteria today, about ½ cup pasta with tomato sauce. I'm disappointed in myself, I don't even like the school food, so why the hell do I eat it??. Sausage and potato thingy for dinner. Then purged in the shower. Damnit! I just can't stop myself from doing it any more. I keep telling myself "Today, I won't purge," the BAM I'm in the shower throwing my guts up... I suck!

100329

Yesterday was badbadbad. I binged and purged for the third day in a row. EW. I'm too scared to step up on the scale. I don't want to know how much I've gained!

Today was better though. No breakfast. A rice cake for lunch (32 cals). Rice and chicken for dinner (about 300 cals). And nothing else.

Then I went kick boxing for 1½ hours and I still have my situps etc. to do when I go to bed. Let's hope I can keep on like this for the rest of the week. I feel good.

I will be skinny again!

100327

Oh great, second day in a row that I'm b/p -ing. Damn you Mia, sneaking up on me like that! So today I had 2 eggs, handful of crackers, handful of wine gums and 70g cookie dough. And then up it came again. Fuck. And I have not been running, nor have I been on the cross trainer as I was supposed to. I hate periods.

100326

Today has been so bad, I've binged worse than I've ever binged before!!

This is what I've had today:

An apple

A carrot

Some weird potato thingy

A candy skull

2 pieces of mint mentos

LOADS of Chicken and rice

6(!!!!!) scoops of ice cream

[PURGED in the bathroom at the cinemas]

A handful of crackers

7 pieces of chocolate

Wine gums

A bowl of yoghurt and cereal

3 toast with butter

The worst part is that I'm still craving more!! I feel HUGE! I need to go out for a run tomorrow (I don't care that it's gonna rain), and do a couple of hours on the cross trainer and double my situps tonight. This is not acceptable. I'm just so scared my ED's gonna change direction and turn into a binging disorder instead of ana/ednos. This. Is. Crap. I wish my head wasn't so fucked up. I wish I didn't spend all my time counting calories in my head. I wish I didn't have those binges. I wish I could be thinner. I wish I could be better. I wish I could be normal. I wish I wasn't afraid of being normal.

xoxo

100321

Weather sucks today. I mean it was lovely yesterday, but today it's snowing like crazy again! Bleh!

Last night I was made Moderator of my ED forums, made me super happy. I did not see that coming. I had no idea I was that popular over there, haha. Well this sure has motivated me even more. I it's a huge honour and I don't wanna let people down. I don't wanna let me down. So now I feel like I have a reason to work even harder. This is awesome!

xoxo

100320

Okay so I just spent 2 hours on the cross trainer, high speed. I guess I burned off my binge and hopefully some extra cals too. Tomorrow I'm not gonna binge and I'll try to find time to do the same time on the cross trainer again.

xoxo

100320

Damnit! I've binged so hard today, stupid chocolate!!! No more food for me today, no way! And I'll have to work out extra hard! Whywhywhy can't I control myself??? I need to be skinny! FUCK!

At least the weather is nice, it's actually spring today.

xoxo

100319

It's half past 5 and I just got home from school. Fridays suck that way.

It's raining outside. That's good, hopefully it will wash this bloody snow away, I'm so fed up with it, I just wanna be sick all over it!

My sister is unfortunately coming home in a few hours, it's been so nice having her gone. I wish she could stay away for another 3 lifetimes or so. She is just horrible.

So far today I've only had 2/3 of an apple and I feel awesome. Everybody was eating candy today, there was chocolate (!!) everywhere and they all offered me some. Linnea held a piece in front of my face and made me smell it. She was talking about the amazing taste of it and all that. I just sat there and changed her words in my head. Instead of hearing "amazing taste of strawberry and lemon" and "oh that perfect sweetness combined with the sour" I made myself hear "all these calories that will run straight to your thighs" and "enjoy it and get FAT". I must say it worked, because I did not want the candy at all and they all gave up on trying to make me.

My friend Eva is getting really annoying. She's always telling me to eat. Every time I shiver from the cold she tells me it's because I don't eat and that I need to fatten up. I'm 107 lbs for gods sake, I do NOT need to fatten up! I wish she could just shut the hell up for once! Don't get me wrong, she's really nice and all, except for when it comes to this. Then I just wanna kill her!

xoxo

100315

Got back from kick boxing like 2 hours ago. It. Was. Awesome. I am so continuing doing it. But I need to work on my abs, they're weakweakweak, haha. And I thought I was doing good with them. I guess I'll just have to add an extra hundred of crunches every night.

Oh and this girl who was there with her friend was so skinny! Seriously, there's no way her thigh we're any bigger than 12 inches, not kidding. And she was tall. Live thinspo, wooohooo! And her friend, who's in the group was really skinny too.

And omg the guys. So well trained. Those muscles, rawr! After practice when the rest of us were like totally exhausted, this one dude get's up on his hand, feet in the air and starts doing push ups, i mean come on, how's that possible??? LOL

Well I'm off to burn some cals now, then sleep!

xoxo

100315

YESYESYES!!

My sister is out and won't be returning for 5 days. Ahh, finally some peace and quiet around here! But of course she woke me up at 8:15 when I have the day off to help her carry out her bags. BLEH!

100314

I've decided to get better at blogging, because I suck, big time!

So today I've been home alone, which has be nice. = Minimal breakfast, dinner flushed down the toilet and lot's of exercise.

Now I'm so hungry. My stomach is shouting at me. Demanding me to fill it. But I won't, I'm stronger than that. I won't give in! I won't give up!

I really need to work on my self control, because it's badbadbad. When I open the cupboards that voice is screaming at me to close it and go do some push-ups instead. But my body won't listen. My hand will reach out to that piece of bread or that rice cake or what ever is in front of me and it will shove it in my mouth and my teeth will chewchewchew and then comes the biggest betrayal of all when I swallow it. I don't want to, but it is as if I'm not in charge of myslef, like someone else is controlling my moves. All I can do is scream inside and crycrycry. It sucks!

Today I finished reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Great book, full of motivation. I wish I was as strong as Lia, but I am not. One day I will be. I will be the strongest, thinnest, most beautiful and successful person who ever walked this earth!

who am I kidding? I could never be that, but that is my goal. if I don't reach it, I guess I'll just have to die trying.

Tomorrow I'm gonna start kick boxing. So stoked! I'm gonna have fun, get thin and strong and learn how to kick my sisters ass, all at the same time. Awesome!

And on Thursday me and my friends are going to start playing badminton. That is perfect because then I can move my gross fatty body and spend time with my friends instead of sitting around doing nothing for 2 hours, waiting for Chinese class to start.

Oh oh oh, almost forgot to mention: My sister is going to Finland for a week tomorrow! It's gonna be so nice having her gone! She's horrible and she's always trying to feed me, and whenever I refuse to eat whatever she's trying to shove down my throat she starts saying I'm on a diet, a fucking anorexia kid and that she's gonna run to mummy saying "Elin's on a diet, she's not stuffing her face with cookies, have her locked up mummy, make her FATTTT". I wish she could just leave me the fuck alone! I can't wait till she moves out. I can wait till I move out!

xoxo

100311

I suck at blogging, I know.

So, I am now 107lbs, slowly creeping downwards. I was stuck at 108 for ages so when I weighed myself this morning I made a little happy dance! I know, 1lb is not much but it's something and it made my day! I'm gonna try to stay below 600 calories today, should be easy enough. Then come home, work out, and burn 800 off, yay.

But yeah, I'm off to school now, I'll be back!

xoxo

100209

I've lost another 2lbs! :)

I'm feeling good today, though I ate a bit too much dinner. But year other tahn that I've lived off water and LOW CAL rice cakes, how awesome isn't that? That's my new diet, rice cakes and water, then have dinner when I get home if I have to. I'm gonna try to stop purging though, I don't wanna ruin my teeth. I mean if I stick to my plan and exercise a lot I should be able to reach 100lbs pretty soon, eh? It's only 8lbs left :D

Damn I'm having a good day, WOOOHOOO!! I'm on the top of the world! And soon, I'll be light enough to fly even higher.

I will make it. I will be thin!!

xoxo

100206

Yeah...

I haven't blogged in ages. I am a total fail. I am fat.

I will lose weight again again though. In fact I'm already losing. I've lost a bit over 2lbs since I decided to go skinny again, which is like 4 days ago or something. Well I know that's not a lot, but I will be down to 100 lbs so for now I've got 10lbs to lose, and I WILL!

And, well about the picture, my collarbone is the only part of my body that is okay...

xoxo