100503

Okay once again it's been ages since I posted anything. I suck, I know.

Well at least I've been better with eating, or not eating that is. I am down to 107 lbs again. 3 lbs down to my next GW. I need to figure out a reward for myself for when I get there soon, because hopefully it wont take too long to reach.

I'm off to bed now, night! x

100424

I want it. I want it so bad. Why the hell can't I act like I do then, and work for it??

100423

I need some fucking control. I've been eating way too much lately. I sucksucksuck. i've gained back 4 lbs and I'm now 110 huge pounds. Ughm GROSS!

100411

Yesterday started out good. Met up with the Swedish ana girls in town at 1pm. They were really nice and it felt so good having someone to actually talk to. We talked for like 3 hours and we agreed to meet up again soon.

Last night was horrible though. Well I had fun because my friends came over for a movie night, but I binged so hard on tacos, potato crisps, pick and mix candy and chocolate cake. EW. Well I did manage to purge a little before going to bed. I let them use the downstairs bathroom and went upstairs myself to change into PJs and wash my face etc. I had been so good before that. I didn't eat at all, and then BAM. So fucking annoying, bleh!

100409

Okay so the last days have been hard... I've not binged nor purged at all, but I have been forced to eat 'normally' which has been really difficult, and then not being able to purge it up. It's like I have to fight for it not to come up by itself. It's like my body is rejecting food. Well it allows it in, but then it just wants it out again.

Tomorrow I'm seeing the other Swedish ED girls, I really hope it goes fine.

But then tomorrow night my classmates are coming over for a movie night. I fear a binge. And no opportunity to purge. Ugh.

100407

I'm fucked.

They know. THEY. KNOW.

My mum found out about my ED through my b/p -ing. I hate mia. I hate it. I hate it I hate it.

They're gonna watch me like hawks and they've already started feeding me. I'm not allowed to go to the bathroom after eating and they're gonna make me see a psychologist!

And my mum is just angry, as if I made a choice becoming like this. She's not sad, just totally pissed off. But I don't think she knows much about my ana, just mia. And she knows nothing about my blog or any of my forums. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to recover. I haven't reached my goal weight yet. I am still too big, I need to lose more but I don't know how any more!

fuck.

100406/07

My body is just constantly exhausted from purging. My brain is fed up of counting calories and thinking of food and fat. I've purged 3 times today. What the hell have I done to deserve this shit? Fuck ana. Fuck mia. Fuck food. Fuck EVERYTHING!