100506

Yesterday I was bad. I binged massively and purged. Today I'm gonna be good. Starting off with a cup of tea for breakfast as it is my sleep in and nobody is watching me eat. Then there's gonna be no lunch. And I will leave my wallet at home so I can't go by candy or other binge things even if I want to. And it's a late day in school so I'll be eating dinner on my own = hopefully almost no dinner at all. I have a good feeling about this day!

xoxo

100505

This is what I'm doing to myself, it's kind of scary to see it all summed up together like that. i hate this shit, but at the same time I love it. This is what I am sacrificing to be thin. I wish I could get rid of bulimia though and be a pure anorexic. Pure and empty.

(fail! click the pic to see it all!)

100504

I binged and purged in school today.

Yep, that's right. When the rest of my class ends I have 1½ hours before my next class (Chinese) starts at another school. I had been craving sweet stuff all day and I had been imagining a binge on chocolate chip cookies. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't. So on my way to the other school I went into the supermarket, bought an 8-pack of cookies and then as soon as I got there I went straight into the bathroom. I ripped the package open (yes literally ripped it, with force) and started by chewing/spitting the first two, then I couldn't control myself and just stuffed the rest down my throat. Then I purged. I had to do it in the sink instead of in the toilet, because the tap is the kind that you have to press every few seconds to keep the water running. I think a few people went in and out while I was there and they probably heard a few unpleasant things. But nobody was there when I got out, so I'm just hoping nobody from my Chinese class saw me go in and then went in and heard me. Not that it matters too much though, because I hardly know any of them anyway.

When I came home I was forced to have dinner, so I ate, then I took a shower and purged again.

I'm sorry about all the details in this post, but as you can tell, my day was crap.

100503

Okay once again it's been ages since I posted anything. I suck, I know.

Well at least I've been better with eating, or not eating that is. I am down to 107 lbs again. 3 lbs down to my next GW. I need to figure out a reward for myself for when I get there soon, because hopefully it wont take too long to reach.

I'm off to bed now, night! x

100424

I want it. I want it so bad. Why the hell can't I act like I do then, and work for it??

100423

I need some fucking control. I've been eating way too much lately. I sucksucksuck. i've gained back 4 lbs and I'm now 110 huge pounds. Ughm GROSS!

100411

Yesterday started out good. Met up with the Swedish ana girls in town at 1pm. They were really nice and it felt so good having someone to actually talk to. We talked for like 3 hours and we agreed to meet up again soon.

Last night was horrible though. Well I had fun because my friends came over for a movie night, but I binged so hard on tacos, potato crisps, pick and mix candy and chocolate cake. EW. Well I did manage to purge a little before going to bed. I let them use the downstairs bathroom and went upstairs myself to change into PJs and wash my face etc. I had been so good before that. I didn't eat at all, and then BAM. So fucking annoying, bleh!