100918

One again it's been ages. It's been something like 3 weeks this time.

I've decided that I'm over that absolutely amazing guy/man I met this summer. Instead I have a guy in my class that fucks up my head now. He's really sweet and nice and good looking and all, and we're really good friends. One week ago we were out with friends together and I ended up spending the night at his place and yeah I guess you can figure out what happened. Anywho, this week in school has been so awkward, because none of us knows where we stand and what the other one wants. We always just see each other around other people and it's frustrating. One second everything is great, just like before, and the next it's all tense and weird. Fuck!

Also, my dog is dead. He died this Tuesday. It sucks. I miss him, my big beastie...

Oh and I've gained an unknown number of pounds and I feel massive. And having a super skinny new girl in my class isn't helping my self esteem much. I mean seriously, look at this girl:

Honestly, how is is fair? And she's in my class, I have to see her everyday and my jealousy is like endless.

100829

I suck. I'm hopeless. I can't even keep a blog updated regularly. I was gonna apologize. Then I realised there's nobody to apologize to as nobody really reads this shit anyway.

So all I'm gonna do today is post a picture that shows the difference between me today and me in early February.

100818

Oh fuck the reasons. There are too many to catch up with now. I suck, I know.

So I got back from Malta 6 days ago. I miss that place like hell. Well I miss the people even more. Especially the one person. Fuck. Why do I always have to do this? Falling for guys who live too far away and are "too old for me". I'm hopeless. And he's amazing. Fuckfuckfuck. Don't know if I'll ever see him again. But we did make a deal last night that no matter what, we will see each other again. Some time.

I'm addicted to Owl City - Vanilla Twilight because it describes exactly how I feel right now.

When I came home from Malta I was on my period so I was heavier than I should've been, so I could see how much weight I'd really lost. It only showed 2 lbs now. I hate periods. That's one of the very few good things about mia, when I'm in that shit I hardly ever get my period.

I haven't b/p in ages, don't know when the last time I did that was. Sure I've purged, but not binged. I'm proud. I'm still too fat though. 110 lbs. I need to go lower. Now.

100807

Dont have time for reasons now, I'm in malta and I'll catch up on them when I get home.
Anywho, I'm deff thinner now than I was when I left sweden, so thats all good. There/s a lot of party and little food. Im happy. Cant write much more now. Sorry.
xoxo

100801

13. Because fat people are disgusting

It's 4:23 AM and I can't sleep. I'm too excited about going to Malta today, plane lifts in 10½ hours, omgomgomfg. I'm so stoked! And I'm hungry. Haven't eaten properly since Thursday, today it's Sunday. So all I've eaten since then is two small sandwiches yesterday. I feel awesome though. I need to be skinny when I'm gonna spend 11 days on the beach and in the clubs.

I am now 113 pounds, so I am losing, and I want to lose 9 more pounds before school starts on August 20. probably not gonna happen, but you can always hope eh?

100731

12. Because I want people to see the real me, and not the fat hiding it.

So today I've had two small sandwiches, water, green tea and coca cola zero. It's 5:45 PM.

Tomorrow I'm off to Malta with my friend Alexx for 11 days. We're gonna party. A lot. My plan is to eat nothing but dinner everyday, which will probably be noodles, so that's okay. I can't fast completely because I hate drinking on an empty stomach. And I'll probably end up purging most of the nights to get rid of some of the calories from the alcohol, and prevent hangovers.

Now I'm off to make and throw away dinner. Bye.

100730

I did it. I fasted all day. I feel awesome! But I must admit my head is spinning and my body is weak. I biked like less 700 metres or something and I got blood taste in my mouth. I'm on top of the world! I'm getting on the scale tomorrow morning and I better be lighter, at least a little.